Kol Tuv vs. Crown Heights
Crown Heights, N.Y. – Corporate America has finally hit hard in this small Hassidic neighborhood. It has hit in the form of Israeli’s. Yes, Israeli’s have introduced the American culture of one-stop-shops, that beat out the little stores, to the small “old ghetto” town.
“If I work hard, I want money,” said Itzik (who refused to give us his last name for fear of competition). “If you don’t continue to grow, you shrink or disappear.. that is the market these days,” he added, standing in front of his large grocery store called “Kol Tuv” on Kingston Ave. He bought over 8 stores on the block where he started the little grocery store, and he has continually chopped down walls to grow.
With stores such as the one mentioned above and “the Shuk” (owned by another Israeli) the “little guys” are getting scared.
“We never thought our isles were too narrow,” said competitor veteran grocer Rabbi Kahan (he denies any relation with the famed assassinated Zionist, Meir Kahan.) “Someone even told me that he found his Kallah (ritual Jewish bride) in one of my isles.. he had to ask her to move to get by.. that sparked things up..”
But love alone will not keep the customers coming. That is why Rabbi Kahan and 62 other store owners in Crown Heights hired one of the largest small business consulting firms in New York.
“The only way for them to survive is by joining forces.. grab your neighbor and move.” So says Bobbie Frank from Cohen, Goldberg, Frank and Associates. “The little guys must create that one-stop-shop among each other in order to compete.
The Crown Heights "small" stores are joining forces. To achieve this goal, construction has already started to destroy shared walls that divide neighboring stores.
The Raskin brothers have started selling the other ones goods at their stores. Raskin Fish now sells fresh vegetables. Raskin Fruits and Vegetables is in the process of changing their sign from “if it grows we have it” to “if it grows AND SWIMS we have it.”
“Some people want to come with their wife when they buy a hat.. he buys a hat and she buys some nice tights..” That is the marketing direction that Mr. Kesser from Kesser Hatters and neighbor, Crown Heights Hoisery, has taken.
“It's a woman’s dream to do creative shopping and eat chocolate cake all the while trying on an expensive dress,” said Mrs. Blizinsky from Top Fashion who has chopped down the walls to her two neighbors – Cel-A-Bration and Lowens Bakery (the “L” from the sign has been gone for 11 years.)
In the same spirit, the store formerly known as Auction mart has cut down the wall to the Mikvah next door. They are hoping that a large percentage of their customers would want to be in the Mikvah while “Toiveling” their vessels. The mikvah is a small pool of chlorine where Jews have traditionally purified themselves as well as their vessels.
“There are limits..” said the Matza Bakery owner on Albany Ave. “We are keeping our walls up until we can buy out the church next-door.” A Matza Bakery is a small, hot, place where old Russian woman roll doe for under minimum wage. The doe is later transformed into the famous Jewish cracker found in most Kosher Aisles.
8 Comments:
lol. these articles are so funny. very creative.
thanx wandering.. had to write something with some purim spirit :-)
Yo, whats with the spelling, Manhat?
You looking for an editor?
S.. sure if your offering your services.. you can edit, email it to me and I'll repost it.. i did a spell check.. what was I missing?
"next-door" ??? doe ??? isles, yes is a word, but it means islands... you needed "aisles" ... etc...
and this sentence means what:
"Construction has already started to chop down walls between all the small stores in them joining forces. " You're missing some connecting words there...
not to knock ya on your own blog, ya know I love it... but just CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I'm here to help ya anytime. All ya gotta do is ask.
thanx for your expertise.. when I have time I'll change it.. the problem is I don't read over what I write..
It's the same reason I hate hearing an echo while I'm on the cell phone..
But I def. welcome CONSTRUCTIVE criticism!
yo i got no idea who you are but you got some funny stuff ...
thanx anon. gotta see the humor in things..
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